


We will call it George

by dance_the_code



Series: Conference Wives [9]
Category: Numb3rs
Genre: A bit of the crazy, Abduction, College Clubs, Death, Drugging, F/M, George the Fichus for the WIN, Little Old Ladies Pay Attention, M/M, PTSD, Paranoia, Reasons to Fear Government Agencies, Semper Fichus, Sentient Fichus?, Student Clubs, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-30
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-07-15 16:11:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 8,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7229440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dance_the_code/pseuds/dance_the_code
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his semester sabbatical, Charlie returns to teach in the fall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Conference Wives

Title: We will call it George  
Pairing/Characters: The Students of CalSci, Charlie and the Fichus  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 205  
Spoilers: None  
Summary: After his semester sabbatical, Charlie returns to teach in the fall.  
Note: Conference Wives

Dr. Charles Eppes had returned to grace another class of students with his wit, his wisdom and his general quirkiness.

Returning students were glad he was back.

New students, marveled at his general presence, his intelligence and most of all…his fichus.

Dr. Eppes seemed to possess a security fichus. It sat in the window of his office, unless Dr. Eppes was teaching a class, at which time, the fichus went to class with Dr. Eppes and sat on the edge of whatever table was available, or on one of the desks in the front row.

It seemed a delightful quirk.

Thus, the student’s of Dr. Eppes’ Math for Non-Mathematicians class put their heads together and decided to name it.

As of September 21st, with seventy-five votes, Dr. Eppes’ security fichus was officially named George.

The Fichus’ middle name was Harry, with sixty-four votes, as it was the runner-up name in the poll.

These results were the first post on September 22nd when the students began the CalSci math department G. H. Fichus Blog, known as the George Blog by its loyal readership and contributors.

By October 3rd, Charlie was aware that something weird was going on, but students always seemed weird to him, so he ignored it until more data presented themselves.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian discovers the George Blog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives

Title: George and the Sniper  
Pairing/Characters: The Students of CalSci, the Fichus and Edgerton  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 215  
Spoilers: None  
Summary: Ian discovers the George Blog  
Note: Conference Wives

It was not uncommon for Ian to keep an eye on the goings on at CalSci. He installed motion censor triggered security cameras in Charlie’s office, he read every memo that crossed Charlie’s campus mailbox and he read Charlie’s e-mail over his shoulder to scan for possible threats.

Charlie found this endearing.

Ian considered it necessary for the professor’s continued survival.

Along with small arms training, but that was still in negotiations.

Ian bookmarked every CalSci webpage that referenced Charlie, the Math Department, Dr. Fleinhart (it was not uncommon for potential threats to target those closest to the intended victim in order to disrupt and unbalance the true target, making the task easier), or really anything that would relate to Charlie in any way anywhere on that campus.

It was thus that Ian encountered the George Blog before Charlie.

Despite its seemingly harmless nature and its amusing tone, the George Blog provided detailed movements of a certain Fichus…thereby giving Ian a daily report on Charlie’s on campus activities, his lectures and the amount of homework given.

This was an unexpected benefit of the fichus…or a sign that Charlie’s latest group of students had far, far too much time on their hands.

With three key strokes, Ian Edgerton made the G.H. Fichus Blog his home page.


	3. Further Adventures of George

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Megan glanced up at just the right time to be confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives – George Arc

Title: Further Adventures of George  
Pairing/Characters: The Students of CalSci, the Fichus, Ian and Megan  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 452  
Spoilers: None  
Summary: Megan glanced up at just the right time to be confused.  
Note: Conference Wives – George Arc  
Note 2: Saintpaulia ionantha is more commonly known as an African Violet.

Megan walked into the break room to grab a cup of coffee. The sniper was in her line of sight, his lap top plugged in, perched on a stack of files, at a desk he had commandeered for his current case.

The screen contained a webpage. A rather odd seeming webpage.

The banner head read: The G H Fichus Blog, to the left was a photograph of a healthy-looking fichus and below the picture of the fichus, a notice to vote for a potential love interest for the fichus, complete with flashing pictures of various plants.

Megan approached carefully, not wanting to attract the sniper’s attention, but wanting a closer look at this odd webpage.

The potential love interest voting section flashed to a rather nice looking begonia that according to the blurb beneath the photo, enjoyed existentialist poetry, sunbeams and natural fertilizers. The begonia had three votes.

Megan leaned against the wall and examined the rest of the page. The center section detailed how green and leafy George has been this morning in the lecture hall, there was a link for the lecture transcript with highlights of George’s greenest moments.

There were links on the right side of the page advertising George themed merchandise with proceeds going to the Arbor Day Foundation.

There was a notice for the first-annual George-Con, advertising a lecturer from CalSci’s botany department, who was apparently an expert on the fichus benjamina.

Megan could barely contain the snerk that threatened when the next potential love interest for the fichus flashed on the left hand side. It was a plant she had seen many times, a white rhododendron visible from Larry’s office. Its interests included ultimate Frisbee, sunbathing and eavesdropping. The rhododendron, which classified herself as an argyrophyllum ssp. Hypoglaucum, was seeking a long distance relationship with George, in which she could admire his foliage from afar.

Megan felt sorry for the rhododendron, it had not received any votes.

Ian turned and caught her in that moment. “Can I help you, Agent Reeves?”

“I was just trying to determine the relevance of the G.H. Fichus blog to your current case.”

“That is my homepage, Agent Reeves.”

“I did not realize that you were a fichus enthusiast, Agent Edgerton.”

“They remove air born toxins and can be cultivated to provide adequate cover.”

“I see. Do you have a favorite among the botanical love interest?”

“There’s an Saintpaulia ionantha that seems acceptable, she and George share an interest in window sills and as a species, they are non toxic.”

Megan shook her head and left the sniper to his work, wondering what the real draw was and kicking herself for not writing down the web address before she was caught.


	4. George for President

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Larry and Charlie discuss George

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives – George Arc

Title: George for President  
Pairing/Characters: Charlie, Larry  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 403  
Spoilers: None  
Summary: Larry and Charlie discuss George  
Note: Conference Wives – George Arc

“Charles, may I speak with you a moment?”

“Okay, Larry – what is it?”

“Your fichus,”

“My fichus?”

“Yes, Charles…your fichus has developed a following.”

“There’s a following of my fichus?”

“Yes.”

“What sort of following?”

“A rather large following, with t-shirts.”

“So…they’re organized?”

“Yes…it appears so…they would like to see your fichus run for president.”

“Of the United States or of the Arbor Foundation?”

“They do not seem that specific…but it is definitely your fichus.”

“Are you sure? There could be other fichi on campus, perhaps ones more politically inclined.”

“That could very well be…but there appears to be a large student following of your fichus in particular…and they have decided that your fichus…whom they have decided to name George, is an appropriate candidate for president…and there are t-shirts that proclaim as much.”

“Well, George is a popular name for presidents.”

“What could the students possibly see in your fichus that makes them believe he is an appropriate candidate for president?”

“Well, he does provide adequate cover and remove airborne toxins…he supports natural sources of energy and gives back to his community…I don’t know where he stands on taxes, but he’s pro-military and probably fine with gay marriage.”

“Charles…does your fichus actually have a political platform?”

“No Larry, he has a windowsill and a great deal of fan mail…usually fan mail requesting that he sway me into giving less homework.”

“Does George hold sway in that area?”

“In a way…the more letters George receives, the more Ian tells me my students have too much time on their hands and the more homework I actually assign.”

“I see. Yes, that does make sense. You are certain that the students are not actually trying to place your fichus on some ballot…”

“I don’t think he could get the nomination, Larry. He had an affair with an African violet, until she was repotted. He then ran off with a rhododendron and a spider-plant; it’s a rather awkward polygamous situation. There is far too much dirt. He would be forced to drop out.”

“I didn’t realize…”

“Yes, I’m sorry you had to find out this way, Larry, but apparently, George is a plant with loose morals. He has a botanical beauty in every port.”

“Ah…too bad.”

Charlie nodded. “Yes…it’s a shame.”

Larry nodded and left Charlie’s office.

Charlie looked at the fichus in the window. “You are causing a lot of trouble, you do know that, right?”


	5. Changes in George

Changes in George  
By: Dance_the_code  
Characters: Don, Charlie, George  
Series: Conference Wives: George Arc  
Don’t own the characters, etc, etc  
Word count: 200  
Rating: G  


“Don! Don!”

Charlie was shouting for him and Don came running.

“Charlie? Charlie, what is it?” Don examined his brother for injuries, blood, broken bones, anything that should present that level of distress.

The only thing out of place about Charlie was the piles of leaves clutched in his trembling hands.

“Charlie?” Don spoke quietly now, gently putting his hands on Charlie’s. “What’s wrong?”

Charlie looked up at him with wide and frightened eyes. “George is shedding.”

Don looked a touch confused at his brother. “George?”

Charlie nodded. “My Fichus.”

“Charlie, it’s winter. Trees loose leaves in winter, that how they get new leaves. Your Fichus is fine.”

Charlie looked up at Don. “Are you sure? It’s not stress or depression or seasonal affective disorder?”

Don patted his brother’s shoulder. “Charlie, it’s a tree. Trees loose leaves, it is among the list of things trees do. Trees do not have psychological issues, they do not take medication, you do not need to put your plant on a couch and ask it about its feelings. Why is your fichus named George anyway?”

“My students named it.”

“Charlie, if your students have enough time to name your fichus, they need more homework.”


	6. Sniper God to the Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie is getting ready to go home late at night, and someone is an idiot. Students get clues. Larry gets confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives

Title: Sniper God to the Rescue  
Word Count: 1,155  
Disclaimer: Not mine, no way, no how, no doing.  
Summary: Charlie is getting ready to go home late at night, and someone is an idiot. Students get clues. Larry gets confused.  
Note: Conference Wives  
Dedication: To Seventhpack – thanks for the suggestion. Here you have a failing trying to intimidate Charlie with the added bonus of students starting to get an inkling about Charlie’s boyfriend. It even has a cameo appearance by George.  


Charlie was leaving his office, backpack over his shoulder, arms full of papers when someone placed a hand on his shoulder.

Papers slid all the way down the hall. Charlie muttered to himself and turned around.

Charlie blinked and calculated a moment. Yes, this was a student from his math for non-mathematicians class. He had come to class three times the entire semester. Football, possible scholarship at another school, something about potential draft, but not the military kind. Failing. Oh dear.

“Yes,” (name! name! name!- ah ha!) “Daniel?” Charlie looked up at the kid. (Why did they always have to be taller than him?)

“Dr. Eppes, I need to pass your class.”

Charlie started to turn the key in the lock to let them back into his office. “Well, we can see what we can do, but your attendance is…”

Charlie found himself pushed roughly into the door. “You don’t understand. Dr. Eppes, you need to pass me in your class.”

Charlie’s mind flashed through a lifetime of encounters with football players. None of them were pleasant. Garbage can, locker, mailbox, dumpster, clothing donation bin…at least there was nothing for this kid to put him into. Why, oh why, did football players also have to be strong? And why, with the plethora of math and science geeks did CalSci even admit football players when they did not have a football team? This was like admitting cannibals as preschool teachers, a smorgasbord of targets with little chance to defend themselves. And what would they even call a football team, the fighting equations? The destructive particles?

As Charlie tried to figure out an appropriate action that would get him away from the football player and not get him fired, the hallway echoed with a loud click.

“I would suggest that you take your hands off the professor right now and place them on your head.”

Ian Edgerton, sniper God materialized out of the dark and shadowy hallway, gun in hand and a cold glint of unrestrained malice in his eyes.

The football player opted not to be stupid. He let go of Dr. Eppes’ jacket. He placed his hands on his head.

“Now shall we discuss your problem in a civilized manner? I am sure I can sort it out. You have been admitted to the California Science Institute, not your first choice, no football team, no cake classes, but for some reason you attended, I’ll guess it made a parent proud of you. Probably wasn’t your work in high school that gave you the grades it took to get here and now you need out, a good school, a good scholarship, save face with mom and dad. Except you can’t wrap your brain around the concepts necessary to pass the classes on your own merit and while you have likely managed to bully someone into helping you in other classes, Dr. Eppes’ class is a touch of a problem, as your attendance will prevent you from passing, no matter how suddenly you seem to develop a brain. Thus, you are here in the hallway after hours preparing to intimidate and perhaps do violence against Dr. Eppes in order to convince him to pass you. Am I right?”

Daniel nodded. “Yeah, man…listen, it’s okay, we don’t need to have guns involved…”

Ian smiled. Charlie recognized that smile, that was the “you are the scum of the earth and I am the avenger of the downtrodden and while I am about to smite you in ways you cannot fathom, I can still be polite about it” smile. This kid was in deep shit.

Charlie cleared his throat. “Agent Edgerton, I believe that this can be resolved with some tutoring and Daniel’s actual attendance in class. I believe he could manage a C if a proper contract of behavior was drawn up with student services.”

Daniel started nodding. Ian’s finger did not leave the trigger.

“Daniel, is it? Daniel has admitted to cheating, threatening students and was in the midst of threatening a professor when I arrived, a professor who has top level clearance, a professor who regularly engages in top secret projects for the U.S. government. Daniel is looking more like a potential terrorist by the minute, I think there should be some strenuous examination of his background, interviews with his family, friends, enemies, teachers. I think his life should be taken apart while he sits in a nice, dark hole somewhere outside of American jurisdiction and has long, meaningful conversations with people whose names are a matter of national security…”

“Oh God no! I’ll take the F, I’ll take the F, I’ll drop out right now, please, man! Agent! Man! Sir? Please?”

Charlie watched the corner of Ian’s mouth twitch. Ian was trying not to laugh. Charlie wrinkled his nose at the urine smell.

Charlie sighed. “Agent Edgerton, I believe that is a little extreme. It is likely that Daniel’s erratic behavior has been due to some illness or other. We should have him sit down with the Dean of Students and explain that he has been very sick all semester and will need to have the semester vacated, while he makes plans to attend a university closer to his family, where they can take care of him.”

Ian flicked the safety back on his gun. “If that is what you think is best, professor.”

Daniel fled down the hall towards the closest exit away from the gun-toting madman in front of Dr. Eppes’ office.

He withdrew from CalSci the next morning, medical reasons and began a conditional football scholarship at a school closer to home the next semester.

The general student population of CalSci threw a party celebrating his success elsewhere, far away from them.

Rumors circulated among the math and science students who intersected with the hall occupied by Dr. Eppes’ office, some completely fanciful:

The ghost of an FBI agent assisted by Dr. Eppes’ research in life was now protecting Dr. Eppes in the afterlife,  
Dr. Windenstein had perfected his AI hologram research and was using it as a counter-bullying measure on campus,  
The chemistry department was working on some hallucinogenic gas for the military.

But others were pretty sure they knew what was going on, after all, the really scary guy had been spotted on the perimeter of campus, evaluating the ease of entry, playing with Dr. Eppes’ son and occasionally dropping into Dr. Eppes’ office to deliver mysterious brown bags. Some argued that the brown bags were lunch, others that they were the entrails of people who intended to harm the professor.

Either way, while the really scary guy scoped out campus, the ROTC scoped out the really scary guy, they even discussed the really scary guy with their newest recruit when he joined them for maneuvers around campus.

Larry pondered if the rumors about the chemistry department might be true, as he watched the ROTC take Charles’ fichus for a walk.


	7. George Gets Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George becomes a mascot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives – George Arc

Title: George Gets Around  
Pairing/Characters: Charlie, Cal Sci Students  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 192  
Spoilers: None  
Disclaimer: Not mine, nope.  
Summary: George becomes a mascot  
For White_sin  
Note: Conference Wives – George Arc  


Charlie looked up at the students lurking in the doorway.

Name tag students.

Charlie had a few of them in class, it was always very helpful. Charlie often wondered why more students didn’t join the nametag club. Clothing was always provided, granted the choices were mostly those that only Eva would love, or Ian, sometimes, but still, the name tags were helpful.

“Um, can I help you?”

“Sir, yes sir, Dr. Eppes, sir.”

Charlie nodded. Name tag students were always painfully polite. “Okay.”

“We’re here about George, sir.”

“You have concerns about George?”

“Not concerns, per say, we would like to take George on maneuvers, sir.”

“Maneuvers?”

“Just routine, sir.”

Charlie consulted his mental database of random vocabulary gleaned from Ian’s military service. Maneuvers was some sort of structured walk thing. George would likely enjoy that.

Charlie nodded. “Okay, you can take George on maneuvers, I am sure you need adequate cover and he could use the fresh air, but make certain he is back by…” Charlie contemplated military time. “1500 hours, okay?”

The CalSci ROTC battalion grinned and acquired George the Fichus as their honorary mascot, beating out the chess team by thirty-seven minutes.


	8. Lucky George

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George becomes a mascot…again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives – George Arc

Title: Lucky George  
Pairing/Characters: Charlie, Cal Sci Students  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 263  
Spoilers: None  
Disclaimer: Not mine, nope.  
Summary: George becomes a mascot…again  
For White_sin  
Note: Conference Wives – George Arc

Charlie was starting to sense a pattern when he was interrupted again thirty seven minutes later.

“Dr. Eppes?”

Charlie looked at the group of students in the doorway.

“Yes?”

“We were wondering if we could borrow George?”

Charlie shook his head. “I am sorry, George is on maneuvers with the nametag club.”

“But, Dr. Eppes, we have a meet! We need George for luck!”

Charlie shook his head. “I am sorry, but George does not bring luck, George removes toxins from the air and provides adequate cover, go see if Dr. Fleinhart has anything lucky he can loan you.”

The CalSci chess club walked away feeling dejected. They made it halfway down the hall before their president was struck by a brilliant idea. He scurried back to Dr. Eppes’ office.

“Dr. Eppes, when is George getting back from maneuvers?”

“1500”

“Is that in this building?”

“Yes, it will be the time in this building, probably all the other buildings too, except the library, their clocks are slightly fast…are you one of Larry’s advisees?”

“No…when is 1500, Dr. Eppes?”

“3 pm.”

“The meet is at 3:30, can we borrow George when he gets back? We want to make sure there are no toxins in the air where the meet is being held.”

Charlie contemplated this, he should share George’s toxin removing tendencies with his students. He sighed and acquiesced.

“As long as you water him and someone reads to him, that is his typical afternoon snack time.”

“Thanks, Dr. Eppes!”

The chess team rejoiced in their good fortune.

Charlie pondered his students’ mental health.


	9. George? George! Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George gets into trouble…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives – George Arc

Title: George? George! Part 1  
Pairing/Characters: Cal Sci Students and Ian…  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 542  
Spoilers: None  
Disclaimer: Not mine, nope.  
Summary: George gets into trouble…  
For White_sin  
Note: Conference Wives – George Arc

Fourteen days later nearly every club on campus had spent some time with George.

Unfortunately, this made George a bit more of a celebrity than usual.

So early on Saturday morning, two weeks after George first went on maneuvers with the ROTC, cheered the chess team to victory, hosted a rather popular series of youtube videos, served as a celebrity dj for an afternoon radio program, protested the quality of the vegetarian options in the cafeteria, displayed hereto unknown hacky-sac skills, successfully routed the Stanford debate team, and screened a double feature of amateur films made by the computer animation club, George H. Fichus was plant-napped.

A note was left tapped to Dr. Eppes’ office door demanding 37 bicycle clips for his safe return, along with photographs of George in various precarious and strange positions.

The ROTC found the note before Dr. Eppes returned to campus and promptly took the matter to the Student Government Association.

After a nearly unanimous vote in favor of rescuing George at any cost (the Model UN delegate holding the SGA seat for the club represented Switzerland and abstained from the vote, due to the underlying sense of hostility in the phrase any cost), the ROTC was dispatched to find the CalSci Sherlock Holmes Society, The CSI Fan Club, The Forensic Science Club, and the CalSci Bicycle Brigade. The latter being the only immediately known source of bicycle clips.

Meanwhile, further pictures of George surfaced, taken at various locations around Los Angeles, including the Federal Building, which greatly dismayed the students, as Dr. Eppes consulted in that building on a regular basis and if he looked outside and spotted the kidnappers with George, he would be very upset.

A plea for assistance went up on the George Blog, the students well aware that Dr. Eppes rarely paid any attention to the George Blog, but it was a Saturday and they needed all the help they could get.

Agent Ian Edgerton turned on his computer in his study at the craftsman.

He logged into the internet and glanced at his homepage, The George Blog, in time to read the admin post:

George H. Fichus has been plant-napped! All students assemble at the quad by 10:30! Dr. Eppes has not yet been informed, let’s keep it that way and get George back before Dr. Eppes comes in. The plant-nappers have demanded 37 bicycle clips. The Bicycle Brigade is assembling the ransom, but feels they will likely be short. The Sherlock Holmes Society is confident they can determine the culprits through deductive reasoning, but need more information. The CSI Fan Club and Forensic Science Clubs are collecting evidence (special thanks to Amy, Model UN, Switzerland, for mediation), and have commandeered the main Chem and Bio labs to run analyses. Anyone who knows anything needs to get here ASAP. Also, if they could bring supplies (Red Bull is a must), it would be appreciated, as the Gaming Club is looking a little twitchy.

Ian glared at the computer screen and then listened to the sounds in the house.

Charlie and Isaac were in the kitchen. That should keep them both occupied for the morning.

He looked at his gun cabinets and weighed his options on how much hardware he should take.


	10. George? George! Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George gets into trouble…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives – George Arc

Title: George? George! Part 2  
Pairing/Characters: Cal Sci Students and Ian…  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 214  
Spoilers: None  
Disclaimer: Not mine, nope.  
Summary: George gets into trouble…  
For White_sin  
Note: Conference Wives – George Arc

The ROTC was quick to report the appearance of the Really Scary Guy.

The chaotic neutral elf mage leader of the gaming club rolled his divination dice pool and as he did not botch, claimed the Really Scary Guy was coming to help and would bring about a swift and appropriate end to their quest to rescue George.

Members of the Sherlock Holmes Society and the CalSci Trekkies both claimed this as illogical, especially since the Really Scary Guy was carrying a duffle bag that radiated ominousness.

The Really Scary Guy stepped onto the Quad and surveyed the scene.

Students of all varieties were spread around the grounds.

Psychology students in one corner were debating whether or not fichus could develop Stockholm syndrome.

Some physics undergraduates had waylaid Dr. Fleinhart and were attempting to distract him from realizing the direness of the situation and prevent him from contacting Dr. Eppes.

Botany majors were disputing whether or not the positioning of George in the photographs meant that he had sustained damage to him limbs.

The student government association watched the Really Scary Guy as he approached their table.

Ian examined the student government association

Ian extended a hand to the president of the SGA. "My name is Ian. I'm here to help."


	11. George? George! Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George gets into trouble…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives – George Arc

Title: George? George! Part 3  
Pairing/Characters: The Plant-nappers!  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 136  
Spoilers: None  
Disclaimer: Not mine, nope.  
Summary: George gets into trouble…  
For White_sin  
Note: Conference Wives – George Arc

Perhaps it had gotten out of hand.

The plant-nappers were certain of this when their lookout spotted the Really Scary Guy amongst the George Reacquisition Committee.

It was a prank, not anything that was supposed to be taken all all that serious, just a little diversion before finals.

Now they were stuck with a plant that could not plead their case and a Really Scary Guy was hanging out with the student government association with a large bag of who knows what but it probably wasn't be good.

They needed to return George. But there was no way to do that.

They could not get back into Dr. Eppes’ office.

But none of these people were anywhere near Dr. Eppes.

Dr. Eppes would have to understand. They would take George directly to Dr. Eppes.

The plant-nappers quickly regrouped and took George disguised as a zebra printed hassock in a cab to Dr. Eppes’ residence across town.


	12. George? George! Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George gets into trouble…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives – George Arc

Title: George? George! Part 4  
Pairing/Characters: Charlie, Isaac and the Plant-nappers  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 409  
Spoilers: None  
Disclaimer: Not mine, nope.  
Summary: George gets into trouble…  
For White_sin  
Note: Conference Wives – George Arc

Charlie and Isaac were out in the front yard, pulling dandelions and being distracted by the patterns within the flowers.

A taxi cab pulled into the drive and four students came piling out of the cab carefully carrying a zebra printed object.

Isaac looked at them cautiously and scampered to the front porch. Charlie glanced back at Isaac to make sure he was safe before walking over to the students.

“Can I help you?”

“Dr. Eppes!”  
“We’re sorry and there’s a really scary guy and.”  
“We meant nothing by it!”  
“Just a prank before finals!”  
“We took some pictures with him!”  
“He’s okay, we promise!”

Charlie took a deep breath and tried to calculate the most likely explanation for the students’ panic.

“Okay, you took pictures of a really scary guy and now he’s after you?”

“No! We….” They removed the zebra print fabric. “took George.”

Charlie looked back at Isaac on the porch. “Ah, then you have probably upset Agent Edgerton.”

The students thrust the fichus at Dr. Eppes, hoping that returning it to its rightful owner would result in the disappearance of the Really Scary Guy so they could safely return to their dorms.


	13. Meanwhile at the Nuthouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marshall Penfield wakes up and then well… he won’t do that again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives

Title: Meanwhile at the Nuthouse  
Pairing/Characters: Marshall Penfield  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 208  
Spoilers: None  
Disclaimer: Not mine, nope.  
Summary: Marshall Penfield wakes up and then well… he won’t do that again  
For Wolverine_gal who wanted Ian to get in trouble and Charlie to rescue him…  
Note: Conference Wives

On Saturday morning Marshall Penfield woke up, stretched and found himself in strange surroundings.

Very strange surroundings.

He stood, looked around the room and found his name on all important items of hygiene and clothing.

However, this was not his home.

This was nowhere he could imagine himself being.

He stepped across the room and tried the door.

It was locked.

He walked to the window and looked out.

He could see the grounds of what seemed to be some sort of medical campus, a hospital, perhaps?

He did not seem to be in any pain, but his memory was failing him.

He did not know how he came to be here or when or why… perhaps there had been an accident.

Perhaps this was amnesia.

Except, that didn’t seem right.

Across the courtyard a man waited for this moment. He picked up the phone and dialed a number.

“Yes.”

“Movement spotted.”

“Go ahead.”

The sound of breaking glass alerted the orderlies that something had happened in the room. They opened the door and rushed in.

Dr. Marshall Penfield lay dead, a bullet wound in the center of his forehead.

The man in the window across the courtyard called it in. “Target neutralized.”

“Good, proceed with phase two.”


	14. Not in his Hideout?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don comes to talk to Charlie…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives

Title: Not in his Hideout?  
Pairing/Characters: Don, Charlie, Isaac  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 182  
Spoilers: None  
Disclaimer: Not mine, nope.  
Summary: Don comes to talk to Charlie…  
For Wolverine_gal who wanted Ian to get in trouble and Charlie to rescue him…  
Note: Conference Wives

Charlie was still standing in the front yard with George in his hands and a length of zebra fabric over his shoulder when Don arrived.

“Hey, Charlie…nice…wrap?”

“Ummm, the students who borrowed George without permission disguised him with it.”

“Yeah, more homework, buddy. They need it… listen, is Ian here?”

“Well, no, he left early this morning while Isaac and I were making breakfast. Didn’t come down for coffee.”

“Do you know where he was going?”

“No…but I think I know where he is…”

“Don’t say anything. Just… go back in the house, okay. No matter who comes to see you, don’t let them in unless they are with me, okay?”

“Don, what?”

“Charlie… I got a call… they’re pretty sure Ian sniped Penfield at the mental hospital this morning.”

“But…”

“No, Charlie. Don’t say anything about what you might know about this, okay? I want you to stay out of it.”

Charlie looked at Isaac on the porch.

Isaac looked at the man who saved the world and wondered why he thought he needed to save the world from Agen Eggtown.


	15. Targeted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don investigates Ian…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives

Title: Targeted  
Pairing/Characters: Don, Ian  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 204  
Spoilers: None  
Disclaimer: Not mine, nope.  
Summary: Don investigates Ian…  
For Wolverine_gal who wanted Ian to get in trouble and Charlie to rescue him…  
Note: Conference Wives

  
The rifle was in plain sight in the bed of the truck.

Don had made certain that the current warrant was only for Ian’s truck and apartment.

He didn’t want anyone disrupting Charlie’s house and Ian still listed his apartment as his primary residence.

The truck was searched, the address of the mental health center was scrawled on a piece of paper in the cab, paper-clipped to a map of the grounds.

The rifle was bagged and transported back to the lab.

Don had a sinking feeling that it would provide a ballistics match.

He wandered onto CalSci campus and into the hub of activity on the quad.

Ian was there talking with students, an ominous looking bag at his feet.

Don felt his blood run cold.

He quickly calculated a potential list of targets, students who missed classes?

Students who were cheating on Charlie’s homework or exams?

Students who were failing?

Amita?

Larry?

Other professors or members of the administration?

Or was Ian just here establishing an alibi?

Every student here would be able to swear that Ian was here this morning, but how many would be able to say when he arrived? Would it matter, really?

Don watched Ian carefully and waited.


	16. Don’t Make Any Sudden Moves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie warns Ian…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives

Title: Don’t Make Any Sudden Moves  
Pairing/Characters: Charlie, Ian, Don  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 209  
Spoilers: None  
Disclaimer: Not mine, nope.  
Summary: Charlie warns Ian…  
For Wolverine_gal who wanted Ian to get in trouble and Charlie to rescue him…  
Note: Conference Wives

  
Ian’s phone rang.

“Edgerton.”

“Ian, just listen to what I have to say. Penfield was killed this morning and Don was here, there are people who think you were involved and I don’t know exactly where you are and students showed up at the house with George and wherever you are I love you and you need to get away.”

“Where are you calling from?”

“I borrowed a phone at the wholefoods. I am heading over to get groceries at the Trader Joe’s so I won’t have receipts from here. Just get cover.”

The phone went dead. Ian felt ice seep into his veins.

A set up.

Someone set him up and worst of all, they robbed him of a kill in order to do it.

A kill he had desperately wanted.

Charlie would try to cover his tracks, but Ian knew he wasn’t versed in intrigue. He needed to disappear from this location and find a safe place to regroup.

He used the momentary distraction of the Chaotic Neutral Elf Mage’s botched divination roll on whether or not George would be returned safely to slip out of the quad.

Don cursed as he looked up from a text message on his phone to find Ian nowhere in sight.


	17. New Data

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie sees a different side of Ian…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives

Title: New Data  
Pairing/Characters: Charlie  
Rating/Category: PG-13  
Word Count: 228  
Spoilers: None  
Disclaimer: Not mine, nope.  
Summary: Charlie sees a different side of Ian…  
For Wolverine_gal who wanted Ian to get in trouble and Charlie to rescue him…  
Note: Conference Wives

  
Charlie and Isaac returned to the house laden down with groceries, frozen and canned kosher delicacies and kid-friendly food to make certain that they would not need to leave for some time.

Don had said to stay home and not let anyone in, but that would have been bad if they had to order in food.

Charlie was certain that Don would be none too thrilled, but the cover was sound and logical.

Staying home and starving to death was bad, going out and getting provisions was good.

There was a manila envelope on the floor when they walked in, it had been shoved through the mail slot.

Charlie brought it into the kitchen and sat down at the table to look at the contents after he and Isaac had put the food away.

Pictures.

Pictures of Ian that Isaac should not look at.

Naked pictures of Ian.

Naked pictures of Ian with another man.

Another man with tattoos and muscles.

Charlie flipped through the pictures taking note of new data.

Handcuffs, leather, a gag, a blindfold… hmmm, Ian looked rather good tied up.

Charlie made a mental note to thank whoever had thought to pass these pictures on to him and  
made a list of needed items to pick up for when everything was sorted out and Ian could come home.

This looked like it could be fun.


	18. Predators

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian is in trouble…

Title: Predators  
Series: Conference Wives  
Author: Dance the Code  
Disclaimer: Own nothing, this is fanfic  
Spoilers: None  
Word count: 337  
Summary: Ian is in trouble…

Life is uncertain and dangerous.

This was something Ian was always aware of and kept in the forefront of his mind.

This meant that Ian kept quiet places to hide, regroup and respond to uncertain and dangerous times.

Charlie knew of a few of them, referring to them as roosting places, as though Ian was some form of bird of prey, Ian believed this was likely due to references to sniper nests.

Sometimes the genius’ mind worked in adorable ways.

Settled in at a cabin off the grid a few hours outside of Los Angeles, Ian opened a safe beneath the floorboards and removed his files on potential enemies.

Family members of case targets, surviving case targets, former comrades, former lovers, a long list.

Too long

He needed data. He chuckled, Charlie was having a great impact on him.

What did he know?

Sniper able to take out Penfield at the mental hospital

Knew about Penfield

Knew about his relationship with Charlie, or at least knew there was a personal interest in that particular kill

A chill ran down his spine

He knew, he knew exactly who could take that shot, knew why he would deprive Ian of that kill, knew why he would know about Charlie…

Ian returned all the files back to the safe except one, one former lover, one court martialed former lover, one who would certainly want to punish Ian, take away a kill, and drive a wedge between himself and Charlie.

At least the man had enough decency to not target Charlie, he would never attack a civilian with a child.

What to do.

He had to clear his name, had to find a way to keep Charlie… he started reading through the file, refreshing his memory, this man had meant a lot to him, a long time ago.

Taught him many things he did not dare do to Charlie

Fed the darkest aspects of his predatory nature

Now, he would have to catch him, bring him in or bring him down


	19. Predators, Just as Dangerous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie is in trouble…

Title: Predators, Just as Dangerous  
Series: Conference Wives  
Author: Dance the Code  
Disclaimer: Own nothing, this is fanfic  
Spoilers: None  
Word count: 456  
Summary: Charlie is in trouble…

The man on the doorstep was not Don.

The man on the doorstep was definitely a problem.

Charlie wondered if there was a way to quickly build an escape tunnel without arousing suspicion or applying for a permit and if it caused the house to sink into the ground, was that actually against the rules when it came to changes in a craftsman home… escape routes, escape routes….

Charlie tucked Isaac into one if Ian’s duffle bags with 3.14159. Isaac snuggled in tight and quiet, trusting his daddy to know exactly what to do.

Charlie zipped up the duffle bag and really wished he knew what to do.

Charlie looked at Smith and Wesson.

“Ummm, do you attack things? People things? With the grrr? And the biting? Do you do that?”

Charlie waited for an answer. Smith and Wesson looked at him.

Charlie took that as a no.

If this man was on the doorstep, then it was likely the phones were tapped. Internet monitored. Communication compromised. Trouble. Trouble coming and trouble already here.

Guns

Ian had guns.

Ian had taught Charlie how to use them.

Shoot them

Protect himself and Isaac from bad things, bad people

The man on the doorstep was definitely bad people

But it was really against the law to shoot a federal agent on your doorstep

Maybe he could just shoot him a little bit, like in a nonfatal go away bad person you are not wanted here sort of way.

No, that was still not a good idea.

Plan B

Charlie picked up the duffle bag. He picked up George.

He walked upstairs.

Smith and Wesson followed.

Charlie opened the upstairs window.

Frank McNamara, NSA agent extraordinaire, well versed in the abilities and many of the quirks of Dr. Charles Eppes was not prepared for what happened when he stepped off the porch to look into the sound of the opening window.

Charlie perfectly executed Plan B. He walloped NSA agent Frank McNamara directly on top of the skull with George.

He then took the duffle bag containing his son and ran for his life.

Both their lives really and it was a good thing that Smith and Wesson were keeping up because he wasn’t completely certain he had locked the door or filled their water dish before he started running.

Now he needed a car and cash and some way to hide, really hide, really, really, really hide

But he needed to help Ian too…campus. He needed to get to CalSci.

If push came to shove CalSci had raw materials for explosives and incendiaries.

And it had an underground network of tunnels

And food, like all college campuses it had food, which was good because he hadn’t packed any


	20. Thwarted! Again!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie escaped…

Title: Thwarted! Again!  
Series: Conference Wives  
Author: Dance the Code  
Disclaimer: Own nothing, this is fanfic  
Spoilers: None  
Word count: 374  
Summary: Charlie escaped…

NSA Agent Frank McNamara regained consciousness and tried to piece together where things went wrong.

He sat up and brushed the dirt and shards of pottery from his shoulders. House plant. Dr. Eppes had attacked him with a house plant.

He forced himself to his knees and then began to stand, he wobbled. Concussion, probably.

Blunt fichus trauma

He heard the click of a safety being released and the voice of Don Eppes.

“Don’t move.”

Frank looked at the sky. It had been a beautiful plan.

Hopefully they hadn’t acquired the nutcase sniper he had sprung from Leavenworth to wrap up the Penfield mess.

If the FBI still thought their sniper had been the one to neutralize Penfield, he had a little space to maneuver.

If not… well, best not to think about that.

Best to get some aspirin

Colby produced handcuffs, as David took a statement from Charlie’s neighbor.

Colby put Frank into the back of the car and shut the door.

“So, what happened?”

David shook his head. “According to the neighbor, this man showed up, knocked on the door, Charlie didn’t answer and then Charlie threw his fichus out the window onto the guy’s head and tore out the back with a duffle bag over his shoulder and Ian’s dogs close on his heels.”

“Any sign of Ian?”

“Not since this morning, the thing is, she says he left around 9 am… which was after Penfield was shot. She said he looked preoccupied and didn’t return her hello, which was strange. She says he is a wonderful addition to the neighborhood and very thoughtful and she was going to talk my ear off if Don hadn’t intervened.”

“So, if you were a fleeing mathematician where would you go?”

Don walked over. “You two take this guy in and start questioning him, get him checked out, probably has a concussion, I’ll track down Charlie. Isaac is not in the house and not with Mrs. Weinstein so Isaac must have been in the duffel bag.”

“Charlie put his son in a duffel bag to run away from this guy?”

“Duffel bags are perfectly safe, I carried Charlie around in one to protect him from the football team when we were in high school.”


	21. Hiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie escaped and has made it to CalSci

Title: Hiding  
Series: Conference Wives  
Author: Dance the Code  
Disclaimer: Own nothing, this is fanfic  
Spoilers: None  
Word count: 219  
Summary: Charlie escaped and has made it to CalSci

Charlie slipped into the tunnels beneath CalSci’s chemistry building. He walked down the corridor, Smith and Wesson at his heels until he found one of the storage rooms off the main corridor. Once settled inside, he opened the bag and removed Isaac.

He hugged Isaac to his chest. “You okay?”

Isaac nodded. “Daddy? Why does Agen Don think he needs to save the world from Agen Edgerton?”

Charlie shook his head. “Agent, Agen-t with a T. Now, right now they think Agent Edgerton did something he wasn’t supposed to do, but we know that is not possible, because Agent Edgerton would never do something he wasn’t supposed to do. He likes to follow orders, you know that, he’s a semper fi.”

Isaac nodded and patted Smith on the head.

“Now, Agent Don has to follow orders too and he needs to investigate. He needs to prove that Agent Edgerton did not do a bad thing and he will figure it out and we will help him. We just can’t do that from the house right now and this is the safest place I can think of us going while we do it, okay?”

Isaac hugged Wesson and then 3.14159. “Okay, daddy, we’ll help AgenT Don prove that AgenT Edgerton didn’t do anything wrong.”

Charlie nodded and hugged Isaac close.


	22. A Little Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian is in some trouble… and still mad about it

Title: A Little Help  
Series: Conference Wives  
Author: Dance the Code  
Disclaimer: Own nothing, this is fanfic  
Spoilers: None  
Word count: 330  
Summary: Ian is in some trouble… and still mad about it

Ian hated to do it, but he needed help. He needed someone who could help him track down a dangerous, potentially psychopathic sniper. He needed someone who would not alert the FBI agents looking for him.  
He called Cooper

“Cooper.”

“Listen to me. I know who did it and I need your help.”

“Yeah, okay, I forgot I scheduled that. I’ll bring the truck right over.”

“Take the expressway out of town 12 exits and I’ll be at the park and ride.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

Ian carefully made his way the park and ride on foot. It should take Cooper about the same amount of time to drive to the rendezvous point.

He waited in the underbrush near the far edge of the park and ride, watching, waiting.

The truck pulled into the park and ride. No vehicles followed it.

Ian moved slightly to get a better line of sight on the truck.

Cooper was alone.

Ian slipped out of the underbrush and walked over to the passenger side.

“Brought you some coffee.” Cooper gestured to the cup holder.

“Thanks.”

“You said you needed help and you know who took out Penfield?”

“I do. He’s a former lover, another sniper. Rather… psychotic.”

“And how am I going to be of assistance to you.”

“You are going to keep me from killing him in cold blood.”

“Ah, the usual then.”

Cooper reached across and grabbed the coffee out of the cup holder. He rolled down the window and poured it out.

“What was that all about?” Ian glared at Cooper.

“Ah, well… in case you had been the one who snapped and offed Penfield, I laced it with sleeping pills.”

Ian stared at Cooper for a long minute. “At least you take precautions.”

“Damn straight.”


	23. A moment of silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian and Cooper go visiting

At Ian's directive, Cooper pulled out of the parking lot and headed west. 

"So, psychotic ex killed Penfield?" He handed Ian his coffee, "I didn't dose both, you look like you need this."

Ian studied the cup and its contents and took a cautious sip. "Yes."

"So, it was not an amicable break up."

"I was responsible for providing the information that led to his dishonorable discharge, court martial and what should have been lifetime imprisonment."

Cooper glanced at Ian, checking facial expression, remorse. "Ah. Well, hard to maintain a positive nuturing relationship after that." Cooper turned left at the intersection. "Where am I going?"

"Cemetery."

Cooper blinked, unexpected destination. "Okay, do we need to stop for flowers?"

"No, these guys were not the flower type, beer would have been preferred."

"I have a bit of whiskey."

"That will do." 

"So, SG, these dead guys have information on your ex, because necromancy is not my area." Cooper contemplated the likelihood that the SG had possibly snapped.

"Very funny, Cooper. No, any information they had is long forgotten. We are going to see the, because he killed them, they were members of our unit. He thought they had been talking about betraying him, testifying. Because he was paranoid about them..." Ian took a long drink from the coffee cup and sighed, looking out the window. "He never suspected me."

Cooper watched the road, ok, one of those side trips. The ones that helped keep perspective, he had taken a few of those before. "Okay. He likely to be there?"

"I hope not, because your purpose here would be a bit moot." 

Cooper nodded. Yeah, that would screw up the perspective. "I have a shovel in the back."

"Ah, well, maybe you would still be useful." Ian almost smiled as he finished the coffee.


End file.
